How to Annoy CP9
by lizloveschibis
Summary: The title says it all...


Hey guys. You don't know how long I've wanted to post this. My friend and I had come up with this in class and she's been pestering me to put it on. So, here it finally is.

Oh, and just to put this out there—I know the title is called "How to Annoy the CP9", but I will point out that's this focuses mostly on Jyabura, Lucci, Kaku (but only a few), and Spandam. It was just easier to poke fun of them then the others since we couldn't come up with clever ideas that might set them off.

Anyway, before I start drabbling, here we are—I hope you enjoy!

"How to Annoy the CP9"

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1.) Stare at Lucci every time he walks in a room

2.) When he passes you buy whisper, "I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do!"

3.) Turn away when he gives you a glare

4.) Do this every time you see him and turn away when he looks

5.) When he confronts you say he's crazy and pat him on the head, "Poor kitty's hearing voices!"

6.) Run as fast as you can

7.) Go up to Jyabura and randomly say, "Ugh, no wonder Gatherine left you for Lucci."

8.) When he chases after you run behind Kalifa and cry

9.) Tell her Jyabura was sexually harassing you

10.) When she goes to tell the boss turn around and grin (as in Martin Shorts 'Clifford' grin.)

11.) Hide alarm clocks all over Spandam's room

12.) Have them set off at 3' o clock in the morning each night

13.) Every night record Spandam screaming, and make sure he falls down the stairs

14.) Do this every night until he screams for Lucci

15.) See if Lucci goes

16.) Shake your head every time you see Kaku

17.) When he asks why shake your head again and say, "Why a giraffe?"

18.) Give Jyabura a 'love note' from Gatherine

19.) Have him meet 'her' in the front of Enies Lobby

20.) Instead you meet him and say lowly, "She didn't make it Dave."

21.) Laugh as he cries pitifully on the floor

22.) Ask Kaku if 'everything' is squared (*wink*)

23.) When he blushes turn to Fukurou and say, "Lucci wasn't lying."

24.) Laugh as the rumor passes through the entire island the next day

25.) Hide in the corner of Spandam's room at night

26.) Wait till he comes near your corner and put a flashlight under your chin and go, "_Khiss_!!!"

27.) Laugh as he runs out of the room screaming for Lucci

28.) Record the whole thing

29.) Pass by Lucci and shake your head saying, "Damn."

30.) Do this everyday until he gets fed up

31.) When he demands an answer shake your head and say, "Damn, you got owned by the Strawhat!"

32.) Pray to God Blueno is somewhere near

33.) "Two eyebrows are prettier then one Jyabura."

34.) Take pictures of Jyabura, Lucci, and Kaku training together

35.) Photoshop so it looks like they're… yeah

36.) Give the pictures to Fukurou

37.) Avoid the three for a couple of d—er…weeks

38.) Take a picture of Lucci

39.) Make a missing poster that says "Lost Lover. If found contact Spandam."

40.) …Or Gatherine…

41.) Put the poster by Jyabura's room

42.) When he tries to kill you for this simply say you didn't know that they had been together

43.) When he reminds you of your comment (see #7) cock your head to the side and give him really big eyes, "I did?"

44.) Stalk Lucci

45.) Remember, "I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do!"

46.) Sneak into Jyabura's room at night and put a set of head phones on him

47.) Put the song 'Barbie Girl' on replay

48.) …Or the song 'Girlfriend'…

49.) Record him as he sings the song absentmindedly

50.) When you see Lucci transform throw catnip at him, "G kitty, go!"

51.) When he glares at you for this simply glare back playfully, "I make kitty mad!"

52.) Giggle every time Jyabura walks into a room

53.) When Kaku goes off for his morning run (which I mean jumping from roof to roof) try to get him to fall off

54.) Scare him every other day at different times until he falls down

55.) When you finally succeed watch and say, "Giraffey go down the hooole!"

56.) Use Spandam's Den Den Mushi to call Lucci up

57.) When he does tell him Spandam wants him to go to Water 7 to buy him underwear

58.) Hand him a 'used' thong

59.) …With leopard print…

60.) Tell Jyabura cats are better then dogs cause Lucci said so

61.) Tell Lucci dogs are better then cats cause Jyabura said so

62.) Laugh as they start to fight

63.) "You know what they say about big noses!"

64.) "Who let the dogs out! Woof! Woof!"

65.) Block Jyabura in the hallway

66.) Do this until he storms off

67.) As he does so cry and scream, "Jyabura why are you doing this? YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR BABY!"

68.) Make sure Kalifa is there to see everything

69.) And make sure you find a GOOD hiding place

70.) Crawl after Lucci in the hallway and mumble about how he stole 'precious' from you

71.) Walk into Spandam's office with your head down and go by his desk, "Sorry it didn't work out for you and Lucci man."

72.) Do this during a very important meeting

73.) "Some one needs a hU-Ug!"

74.) Hum the 'Jaws' tune every time Lucci passes you by

75.) Teach Hattori how to talk

76.) Teach him to say, "Get out you jackass!" every time Lucci walks into the room

77.) Tell Jyabura Gatherine thinks he's a noob

78.) And Lucci's much hotter

79.) Write a very suggestive letter from 'Kaku' and send it to Lucci

80.) When you see Lucci the next day wink and ask if he had fun with Kaku the night before

81.) Make sure Fukurou is there to see

82.) Get Jyabura drunk at a party

83.) When he passes out mess up his hair and his clothes

84.) When he wakes up in the morning to eat breakfast walk up to him with a shy smile

85.) Say you had a great time last night then wink and walk away

86.) Laugh as he tries to remember what happened

87.) Ask Spandam if he's as bad in bed as Lucci says he is

88.) Play the song "Bad Touch" when Lucci and Kaku are alone in a room together

89.) Remind Jyabura of the 'hot blonde' that kicked his ass

90.) When he gets mad say he's just jealous cause blondes have more fun

91.) Lock Lucci and Kaku in a closet together

92.) Stand 'guard' outside and tell the passing marines that 'Lucci and Kaku want their happy time.'

93.) Ask Lucci if he grows his hair out because he thinks it makes him look emo

94.) The next time Jyabura gets pissy, stand really close to him and shout, "Jyabura, what are you doing! STOP TOUCHING ME THERE!"

95.) Proceed to cry after step 94 and run to Kalifa

96.) Ask Lucci if he knows the Song That Never Ends

97.) Start singing the Song That Never Ends

98.) Give Lucci a hug while grinning like an idiot

99.) Buy a straw hat

100.) Parade around Enies Lobby (especially around Lucci) wearing the hat and sing at the top of you lungs, "OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!"

101.) And finally…give them the list

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Such an original way to end a list isn't it (yes I am being sarcastic)? Anyway, I hope it wasn't as painful as I thought it was. Please read and review. Flames are welcome as well as constructive criticism. Thank you!


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